How can I break free from fornication?

QUESTION 106

Good evening Papa, I have several questions but the main one is how can I break free from fornication? Every time I think I have made the right decision, I always end up giving in. The man who is now my son's father helped me a great deal spiritually. But after two years of our relationship without sex, we gave in, and he is no longer as committed in the parish, no longer goes to any group, and now he is proud. He promised to take up his activities again but nothing has come of it. Sometimes I feel guilty because I am the one to whom he offered his body. I tell myself that if I had not given in, he would probably still be the same. His whole family, especially his mother, puts the blame on me. What should I do so that he may fear God again? Because he told me that was no longer the case, even though he goes to church. He does take care of me, it is true, but he is really not the same anymore. Please Papa Henri, tell me what to do: I do not want him to lose himself like this, still less to lose him.

Marisselle

ANSWER

We had at the parish a girl who had entered into a relationship with a man. After a time, this man began to mistreat and neglect her. The parish community advised the girl to leave there and to rent a room while waiting for the man to decide whether he wanted to marry her. This she did. Shortly afterwards the man asked for her hand and they were married. You are therefore right to say that you did not play your role well. Girls often do not understand that the best way to hold on to a man is not to give oneself to him. Since you are already living as husband and wife, what is he still waiting for? Why would he hurry? Why make any effort? The purpose of marriage is not merely to get married, but to help one's partner go toward God, and vice versa. So you did not act well, as you yourself say. But all is not lost. This is the year of the jubilee of mercy. Ask God for forgiveness, go to confession, but only if you are no longer going to live together. Otherwise you fall back immediately into fornication and it would not have been a true contrition. And then persevere in prayer, for his soul but also for your relationship. Little by little, he will return, but do not force him and leave him free. To break free from this sin, you need not only the desire, but the determination, and you must not take the risk of isolating yourself again with a man for fear of falling back into temptation. I also advise you to pray the rosary a great deal.

Henri Bayemi