Returning to God

A man had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the estate that is due to me.’ And the father divided his estate between them… when he had spent it all, a great famine came upon the land, and he began to find himself in dire straits… he would have liked to fill his stomach with the pods the pigs were eating, but no one gave him any. Coming to his senses, he said to himself: ‘How many of my father’s labourers have bread to spare, whilst here I am starving to death. I will go to my father and say to him: I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your labourers.’ He set off for his father’s house. Whilst he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with compassion; he ran to him, threw his arms round his neck and kissed him repeatedly… (Luke 15:1–32).

The Gift of Life

God has created us free. ‘I set before you life and death. Choose life’ (Deut 30:14–15). Just as the Father gave the younger son his share of the inheritance, so we have life as our inheritance. The life we have is very precious. It would be foolish to squander such a precious gift as life. Life is a pearl

and Jesus said: ‘Do not cast your pearls before swine; they will trample them underfoot.’ Just as the prodigal son squandered his wealth, so we often squander our lives, thinking we are enjoying them. And this squandering constitutes sin.

Sin

Whoever creates an instrument provides the instruction manual. When you own a device, if you do not use it as recommended by the manufacturer, it does not work properly; it loses its usefulness. My wife and I once went to a car boot sale where we bought a food processor. Unfortunately, there was no instruction manual, and once we got home, despite our best efforts, we couldn’t get the appliance to work. Disappointed, we rushed back to return the appliance to the seller, who nevertheless vehemently insisted that it had been working that morning when he’d tried it out. A few weeks later, we bought the same appliance brand new, still in its box and with a user manual. Reading the instructions, we realised why we’d been unable to get the previous one to work. We just needed to slide the handle, which we didn’t know because we didn’t have the instructions.

I shouldn’t just do whatever I want with my life. As it is God who created me, I must live my life according to the instructions of the One who gave it to me. On several occasions, I have failed to follow God’s guidance for my life and have ruined it. God tells us to love, to love freely; one day, when I’d been in a serious accident, I was rushed to the intensive care unit of a hospital. One of my well-connected aunts had gone to fetch the specialist in charge of my operation, who was an acquaintance of hers and whom I also knew vaguely. But in the ward, she didn’t recognise me; even though I certainly did, but in the excruciating pain I was in, it was too much for me to call out to her to say hello, and so I didn’t. I didn’t realise that the gentleman accompanying her was the surgeon who would be treating me. That decision cost me two and a half months of additional suffering, because to get an appointment with the surgeon I would have had to wait many long months; whereas he had come to fetch me from the ward with this aunt who hadn’t recognised me, and I hadn’t mustered the strength to say hello. By refusing to follow God’s instructions, I am ruining my life.

Sin brings us low

When the prodigal son had squandered his entire inheritance, he went hungry; he began to suffer. The side effect of sin is a lack of joy, peace and happiness; it is sadness and complaining. What causes the most harm to the world, to my family, and what causes me the most pain, is sin. Whenever I am unhappy, it is because I am not living as God intends. The prodigal son, in his misery and suffering, sought work with a pig farmer. For Jews, this is a great humiliation, since the pig is an animal that is not eaten at all; it is forbidden and considered cursed. For them, tending pigs was beneath human dignity. This son even wanted to eat the pigs’ food, but no one would give him any. Sin degrades us; it causes us to lose our dignity as human beings. It causes us to lose our identity as children of God. We degrade ourselves to the point of becoming less than animals. This is how we can boast of possessing possessions when we ought to be their masters. A person is not worthy because of what they possess, but because of who they are. We cast aside our own children, whilst even animals protect their own. ‘The animal knows its master, but man does not know me’ (Isaiah 1:3); sin disfigures man, it distorts him.

That prodigal son, in a moment of reflection, thought: ‘How many of my father’s labourers have food in abundance, whilst here I am starving to death; I will get up and go to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your labourers.’ This son did not truly know his father’s heart. The idea we often have of God is not correct. We often see him as a vengeful God, lying in wait to punish us. A God who cannot forgive this or that sin. Sin against the Holy Spirit is to refuse God’s very forgiveness. Have I failed to keep my resolutions, and do I think God’s vengeance will fall upon me? God is Father; he is the Father, he is my Father. He is the perfect Father. He always has his arms wide open to welcome us, just as the father did for the prodigal son. The prodigal son got up and went to find his father. We, on the other hand, so often refuse to be converted; we refuse to change our lives, to change our bad temper, our bad behaviour. It is like refusing to leave prison. People often say: ‘I can’t help it, it’s my nature’; ‘I’m just like that’; ‘I’ve been behaving like this for a long time’; ‘I’m no saint’; but in fact, this is your vocation. God cannot ask us to do anything that is beyond us. Society is like that; ‘We cannot change society,’ some might think. ‘You are the light of the world. Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven’ (Mt 5:13–15). Still others complain in these terms: ‘I’d love to break free from this temperament, this situation, this addiction, but I can’t; it’s stronger than me.’ This is an admission that one is behaving like an addict, incapable of breaking free. In fact, on our own, we are incapable of coming to God. On your own, you cannot break the chains of sin. The Curé of Ars said: ‘It is not the sinner who returns to God. Rather, it is God Himself who goes after the sinner and brings him back to Himself.’

To deliver us from sin, the Father helps us by giving us his Son. ‘For God so loved the world that he sent his Son, not to judge the world, but so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life’ (Jn 3:16–18). Jesus is the greatest gift the Father has given me. For Jesus sets me free and shows me the way to the Father. My liberation, your liberation – this is good news: ‘I bring you good news’ (Luke 2:10). Today is the day that God has made. May it be for us a day of celebration and joy (Ps 118:24). Today can be a marvellous day. A day of great joy, a day of salvation. For it is like a patient who is discharged from hospital after several months’ stay and feels a sense of relief within. It is like a prisoner whose sentence is reduced and who is released sooner than expected. Saint Paul says: ‘All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.’ Sin was slowly killing me. Today, Jesus comes to free me from the chains of sin. It is a new birth. I remember an adult who, when asked how old he was, would reply, ‘I am one year old’; and to those who were surprised by this, he would say, ‘I now count my age from the time of my conversion, for that was a new birth for me.’

Even when you are already a Christian, returning to God means being faithful to your calling. It means being totally submitted to God’s will. It is time for you to accept returning to God; totally, not just half-heartedly. One day, whilst we were discussing the passage about Jesus and the rich young man—where Jesus answers the rich young man’s question by saying, ‘Go, sell everything you have, then come and follow me’— When it was a lady’s turn to share her thoughts on this passage, she said that if she were in the rich young man’s place, she would have sold some of her possessions, kept half, and then followed Jesus. This is a line of thinking that many people sometimes adopt, albeit subtly. Yet it is very dangerous. You cannot serve two masters at the same time. ‘Whoever is not for me is against me,’ said Jesus. The image of Christians who lead a double life: by day they are seen in church with their Bibles, appearing very devout. Yet they manage to slip away discreetly to visit marabouts, where they engage in all manner of obscure practices.

There is this story from the Desert Fathers about a young man who had heeded the call to become a monk. He went out into the desert, to a monastery, to apply. He was accepted, on the condition that he sell all his possessions and distribute them to the poor. He returned home and sold his possessions, but instead of distributing them, he hid some away and went back to the monastery, claiming that he had given everything to the poor. But at that very moment, the Holy Spirit inspired the abbot, who knew the young man was lying, and he said to him: ‘I know that what you are saying is not true. Now go home, take what you have hidden, take a portion and give it to the poor; the rest will be just enough for you to buy some raw meat. Carry this raw meat on your back and walk across the desert to return here, and when you have returned having followed my instructions, I shall accept you as a monk.’ This time, the young man faithfully followed the instructions he had been given. But as he crossed the desert, the meat on his back began to bleed; the vultures, sensing the smell, swooped down on his back to eat the meat; as a result, they tore his whole body to shreds, leaving him covered in wounds. He arrived at the monastery with no flesh left, his body bloodied and burning; the abbot welcomed him and said: ‘If you had kept any of your possessions, that is how the devil would have pounced on your soul and torn it to shreds.’

The devil often takes advantage of what we withhold from God to cause us to fall. ‘Now is the acceptable time for salvation’ (2 Cor 6:2). Today, do not put off your conversion until tomorrow. Do not put off your total commitment to God until tomorrow. Saint Catherine of Siena said: ‘Do not wait for time; time will not wait for you.’ So it is now: let go, release your last hold and give yourself to God. St Augustine recounts in his *Confessions* the story of two of his pagan friends who had read the story of St Anthony, a monk in the Egyptian desert. After reading it, his friends, who were in the king’s service, thought: ‘What do we think we stand to gain from all the efforts we make? What are we seeking? What is our reason for serving the king? Can we hope for anything other than being the king’s friends? And even so, our position would be precarious and at the mercy of the king’s whims. We could easily be dismissed. But if I so choose, right now, I can become a friend of God. Here and now.’ Then one of them exclaimed: ‘At this very moment, here and now, I have decided to serve God.’ The other did the same; they gave up their work to devote themselves to God: ‘This is the time; the hour has come to wake from your sleep’ (Romans 8:11). To refuse to let ourselves be set free from this prison and to refuse to leave it would be sheer folly. Sin is a prison.

The Encounter with the Father

Whilst the son was still a long way off, the Father saw him and ran to meet him. The son asked for forgiveness: ‘I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son…’ The Father did not even let him finish; he had been waiting for him for so long. Perhaps you are still far from God. Perhaps you are not living out your vocation as He wishes. But He is coming to meet you now. At this very moment, He is running towards you; He is embracing you. What joy it is for the Lord to meet you. Parents always feel great joy when their sick child recovers; or when their child returns home after an absence. I once saw a reunion programme on television. A woman had had a child when she was young. Once she was married, her husband did not want the child; she resigned herself to placing him in an orphanage. And she lost all trace of her child. At the age of 50, she was still thinking of this child, for whom she would now have given anything, but she had no news of him. The television programme tracked down the child and informed the mother. He was about 30 years old; the only condition for bringing them together was that it take place during the programme and be filmed. The mother was called onto the set first. When the son appeared, everyone held their breath to see how they would both react: they threw themselves into each other’s arms; they were both crying; they had completely forgotten about the cameras – it was an indescribable joy. All those years apart seemed to have vanished.

At that moment, if you too were to return to God, He would be just as joyful and would shower you with His kisses, even though you might not see Him. Later in the passage, the prodigal son’s father said: ‘Quickly, put a ring on his finger, shoes on his feet, and a white robe on him.’ The prodigal son undergoes a transformation. God loves you just as you are, but He does not want you to remain as you are; He does not want you to remain in sin. He wants you to have a new relationship with Him. Then He says: ‘Slaughter the fattened calf; let us celebrate, for my son was lost, and I have found him. He was dead, and he has come back to life.’

Your conversion is a celebration in heaven. It is God’s joy; returning to Him is happiness. Perhaps now is the time to express to Him the joy of this reunion and to speak to Him as a son speaks to his Father. ‘Father, here I am; I am coming back, my God.’

Henri Bayemi