What to Do If You Have Already Been Unfaithful?

It may happen that at least once since you were married, you have been unfaithful to your spouse. Perhaps he or she does not know it? But if they are aware of it, instead of humbly acknowledging the fault, many resort to violence even though they are in the wrong: ‘you know it, and so what? I needed attention, tenderness, this and that, and you were not giving it to me. It's your fault! You never understand me.’

By not humbly acknowledging your fault, you make the situation more difficult, even if you believe your spouse is not reacting. An insurmountable wall may rise up between you. Even if your wife says nothing, it is a veil that you cast over your relationship without realizing it, and you cannot hope for much in the way of true love when, in such a case, forgiveness is not complete and deep.

It is recommended to be humble, to acknowledge one's fault, to ask for forgiveness. There are partners who do not forgive. With them one must use much tact and truly humble oneself. In many cases, faced with genuine repentance, spouses have forgiven. Give them the time to forgive you. Do not press them: ‘For 3 months you have refused to forgive. Is that how a Christian acts?’ This blackmail in the name of Christianity is not honest, for if one had thought about Christianity oneself, one would not have betrayed the other; so be patient with them and give them time.

Perhaps, in being unfaithful, we did not realize the harm we were doing to them?

Perhaps we did not know the harm we were doing to God and to ourselves?

In fact, if we have a sin of infidelity that we have not yet confessed, let us plan to go to confession, to see a priest and confess. If we have a strong desire to escape from an infidelity in which we are caught, let us pray. Jesus will help us. In some cases, we do not even have the desire to leave the relationship of infidelity into which we have plunged. We feel neither the strength nor the desire for it. This too we can say in all honesty to Jesus, and ask Him for the desire to love him above all else, to prefer Him to this impure relationship to which you are attached.

Henri and Judith Bayemi