Anger

‘You have heard that it was said to the ancients: “You shall not commit murder; whoever commits murder will be liable to judgement.” But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement.’ These words of Jesus, recorded in Matthew 5:1–22, serve as a warning, for anger hinders the fulfilment of love. How often have we regretted actions we took whilst we were angry? Or words we spoke whilst we were angry? St Ignatius of Loyola, one of the great spiritual masters of discernment, says that one should not make any important decisions whilst angry; otherwise, one makes many mistakes. But more often than not, the opposite is true: it is whilst she is angry, for example, that a woman packs her belongings to return to her parents’ home; an irritated husband files for divorce, and sometimes we see a couple end up separating simply on a rash, ill-considered impulse during a fit of anger, even though they didn’t really want to. An angry child runs away from home. An angry woman cheats on her fiancé.

It is when parents are in the heat of the moment that they hit or punish their children, often excessively. You shouldn’t punish a child simply because you’re angry. You should do so to correct their behaviour. I have come across cases of young people who, in a fit of anger and to punish their parents, decided to take their own lives. It is true that the parents suffered as a result, but the young people, on the other hand, lost their lives. There are even many physical ill-effects of getting angry: we need only mention high blood pressure and stomach ulcers. We get angry for various reasons: we feel offended, others do things we consider wrong, or we are disappointed. James 1:19–20: ‘You are wise, my beloved, yet let no one neglect to be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. For human anger does not bring about the righteousness of God.’ The Bible presents God to us as slow to anger. In truth, our outbursts stem from the fact that we judge others. It is true that sometimes we are offended and wronged. How many times have we offended God? We want others to act perfectly, yet we ourselves struggle with our own imperfection. A husband comes home in the evening, and suddenly his wife refuses to speak to him; such behaviour can go on for a long time. Or perhaps it is the husband’s voice that booms so loudly it makes the whole neighbourhood tremble: ‘There aren’t two roosters in one henhouse, nor two captains on one ship, madam!’ This is the atmosphere one sometimes finds in many Christian families, and personally, it remains a mystery to me. How can anyone find joy in living like this? I do get angry from time to time, but not for long. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26: ‘Be angry, yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down whilst you are still angry.’ How can one pray or offer up a prayer whilst in a fit of anger? Jesus said that if you want to make an offering and you remember that someone has something against you, go and be reconciled first, then make your offering (Matthew 5:23–24). Anger does not foster true prayer.

We are surprised when others let us down, but we too let others down. Take a child, for example: if they break a glass or a plate, we’ll make them go without food for the day, they’ll go to school without any pocket money, and harsh words and negative thoughts will pour forth towards that child; yet when a glass breaks in our own hands, we’re quick to make excuses for ourselves: ‘I didn’t do it on purpose; the glass slipped out of my hands; I didn’t see it.’ We are lenient with ourselves yet refuse to be lenient with others; Galatians 5:19–21: anger is a work of the flesh. Sometimes we even take things too far by blaming others for our mistakes and getting angry with them for faults we ourselves have committed: ‘Who put the glass here for me to break it? If it hadn’t been taken out or left there, I wouldn’t have broken it’ – and we take it out on others whilst shirking all responsibility.

‘Let not your spirit be quick to anger, for anger resides in the hearts of fools’ (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

Jesus asks us not to judge others so that we may not be judged. He asks us to forgive if we wish to be forgiven; ‘Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us’ (Mt 6:12). And verse 14 makes it clear that our forgiveness depends on the forgiveness we ourselves grant to others. And in Matthew 18:23–35, Jesus tells us a parable on this subject: a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. Among them was one who owed him a great deal of money: apparently around 60 million francs; as he had no means to repay it, the king ordered that he, his wife, his children and all that he possessed be sold to settle his debt. Throwing himself at the king’s feet, the servant pleaded: ‘Have mercy, O King; be patient with me, and I will pay you back everything.’ Moved with compassion, the king let him go and forgave his debt. As he left the king’s palace, the servant came across one of his companions who owed him about 100 francs; he grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and squeezed him so hard he was choking, saying, ‘Pay me back my money’; his companion threw himself at his feet, saying, ‘Be patient with me; I will pay you back.’ But the other refused; he had him thrown into prison until he had repaid the debt. Seeing what had happened, the onlookers went to inform the king of everything that had taken place. So, summoning him, the king said to him: ‘You wicked servant! I had forgiven you the whole of that debt because you had begged me to; should you not also have shown mercy to your fellow servant, just as I showed mercy to you?’ Then the master had him thrown into prison.’ This is how my Father will treat you, unless each of you forgives your brother from the bottom of your heart.’

This parable of Jesus teaches us the necessity of forgiveness and patience. If we practise gentleness, patience and understanding, we will not become angry; and even if we do, we will forgive quickly and thus move forward on the path of deep love.

Exercise: if someone provokes us, if we are angry, let us pour out our hearts to Jesus; let us bring that person before Jesus and listen to what He has to say to us.

Henri Bayemi