Abide in me

In the creation account in Genesis, we see how Adam is created and placed in the garden. He has everything. He lacks nothing in and of himself. Yet he is not entirely happy. God, who knows everything about us, realises this and creates Eve. Then Adam exclaims, ‘This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’. Faced with his counterpart, he is filled with joy. Man and woman cannot live without community, without an ‘other’. A philosopher once said, ‘Man is a social animal.’ God created us in his image and likeness, and he is community: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This desire to live together is rooted in all of us.

When I first went to England to study at the University of Reading, I was full of joy and strength. But after a while, I began to experience extreme loneliness. Very few people paid any attention to me. I didn’t have my family with me. I was already experiencing the profound loneliness of being one of many people in Europe. It was different from Cameroon, where, without even being invited, people would come round to the house, children would play here and there, and the extended family was close-knit. Fortunately, I had immediately joined the Catholic university chaplaincy and met some very welcoming nuns and a vibrant Christian community, led by Father Terry.

Many people, in such conditions of extreme loneliness, allow themselves to be drawn into romantic relationships which, for many, have left them even more hurt and unfulfilled. But having no other options, they move from one relationship to the next, in an attempt to fill that void and that inner loneliness. At first, they held fast to their faith, but over time they became complacent and were even led to question their faith. ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind’ (Romans 12:2).

It is true that having a loved one by our side is a great help. But it is never enough, as we sometimes find that the person does not devote enough time to us, or even that their very presence becomes a nuisance. Even married couples experience loneliness. This is a sign that no human being can fulfil our hearts simply by being there. Only one Person can fulfil us. God – and even if no one else loves us, He alone is able to fulfil us. St Augustine said: ‘You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.’ A human relationship flourishes when the partners open themselves to God’s presence. We are familiar with the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: ‘To love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction.’ Love will flourish between a man and a woman if both look first, together, towards God. I am very grateful to God for allowing me to share with my wife the same faith and the same spiritual calling within the Movement, even though each of us has our own unique qualities. This enables us to live in much greater harmony.

Those who pray will never be overwhelmed by loneliness because each time they turn to a person, a ‘you’—God. They will speak to him and listen to him. They will walk in his presence every day (Genesis 17:1) and he will fulfil them. Without prayer, we cannot overcome loneliness; we will even seek to fill the void with sin. And even if we have a healthy relationship, it will leave us unsatisfied. Jesus tells us: ‘Abide in me. Without me you can do nothing’. The life of prayer is a constant struggle. Amidst our studies, work and daily commitments, let us never forget to remain united with God in prayer.

When I arrived in Pretoria, South Africa, to go to university, I did everything I could to find the Catholic parish, as there are far more Anglicans there. I went to Mass on Sunday and asked Jesus for one thing in particular: that he might make me a man of prayer; that he might deepen my life of prayer; and that I might grow in my life of prayer. At that time, I didn’t think about the material things I actually needed. What concerned me most was that I might grow in my prayer life. For if I remain with Jesus, I can do all things through him.

We give thanks to God that he enables many young Cameroonians, particularly members of the Incarnation Movement, to pursue their studies abroad and even to work there for the good of their families, the Church and the world. However, we recognised the need – and many expressed it – that they missed the spiritual family they had left behind. They were no longer able to live out their faith properly. And even though they had found another Christian community – for the Church is one – they felt that they were missing that calling and that distinctive character experienced within the Movement of the Incarnation. Thanks to the means of social communication that the Church encourages for evangelisation, we were first able to set up the website and the ‘Word of God’ online group. This is a group that aims to be vibrant, with active participation from its members. It offers formation and the opportunity to grow in commitment as Active Members I, II or III. Regular participation will be gauged by the testimonies each member is required to send, their contributions, their work for the group, their interaction with other members, and their adherence to the recommendations made at meetings. Let us remain united in prayer.

Henri Bayemi