Asking for Forgiveness

When God created the world, He saw that everything He had made was good. Unfortunately, sin entered the world, causing men and women to suffer greatly: by hurting one another. In our immediate circle, we can often see how this harm is inflicted through words, actions or omissions. There are people who know they have caused harm and that the other person is hurt. They know they have upset their partner, friend or colleague. But what do they do? Some retreat into their own little world and come up with excuses. ‘Doesn’t he know that it was because I was ignorant that I did that? Doesn’t she know that I was in a moment of weakness; she wasn’t there, so how could I have resisted? ‘I’m only human too, and I have my weaknesses; let him do as he pleases.’ Others have even caused harm, yet they behave as if they are the ones who have been hurt. They become hard-hearted, stubborn and angry. Yet this kind of reaction, though so common, only encourages revenge, causes division and destroys the community or the family, for ‘a house divided cannot stand’ (Mark 3:25).

Admitting one’s fault

If I have hurt my spouse, my brother or my friend, I must acknowledge it. ‘If we say we have no sin, we make Jesus a liar’ (John 1:8). I cannot claim never to have hurt anyone since I was born. Acknowledging one’s fault is a sign of strength, not weakness. Because there are people who think they are never in the wrong. They think that if they admit their fault, they will be seen as weak. We must have the courage to admit that we have done wrong. Diagnosing an illness is the first step towards recovery, because it can easily lead to the prescription of the appropriate treatment. If I can admit that I have hurt my partner or a friend, it is a huge step forward in the relationship and in my life with God. This acknowledgement must not only be in the heart; I must also have the courage to confess it to them, because there are people who manage to recognise that they have acted wrongly, yet when faced with the person concerned, they are as good as speechless. We must be able to say: ‘I admit I have acted wrongly’. In confession, it is not enough simply to examine one’s conscience; one is asked to state one’s sins clearly to the priest, without concealing them.

Asking for forgiveness

But acknowledging my fault must be followed by a request for forgiveness. Here again, many find it difficult to apologise. We believe that asking for forgiveness is a sign of weakness. Yet the opposite is true, for this is not a compulsory request—like persecutors forcing their victims to cry out for help—but a voluntary and gentle plea for forgiveness. There are people so proud that they cannot bring themselves to ask for forgiveness. In marriage, amongst groups of friends or in the parish, some have never even asked for forgiveness from those they have wronged. Asking for forgiveness is a sign of humility, yet God exalts the humble. Asking for forgiveness is therefore a sign of greatness.

If you have a disagreement with someone and they come to ask your forgiveness, contrary to what the world believes, you are not the stronger one. It is the one who asks for forgiveness who is great in God’s eyes. Asking for forgiveness is not only necessary for major matters. Even for the minor daily offences, we must ask for forgiveness. As sinners, there are always reasons to seek forgiveness within our families and communities. When King David offended God, he humbly asked Him for forgiveness (Ps 51). There are people who recognise their faults but do not dare to say the words: ‘forgive me’ or ‘I ask for your forgiveness’. Ask for forgiveness sincerely, not in a tone such as: ‘So I’m asking for your forgiveness, is that what you wanted?’ Put your heart and soul into it so that the other person feels that you are truly sorry. But your actions must also back up your request for forgiveness.

Forgiving

If we are asked for forgiveness, we must forgive whatever the offence and not be overly hard-hearted. We ask God for forgiveness for our faults. We too must forgive if we are asked for forgiveness. God is slow to anger and full of love. We are his children. ‘Be perfect, just as your Father is perfect’ (Mt 5:48). So if we wish to be recognised as disciples of Jesus, if we wish to be holy, we must forgive. We must begin by praying for the one who has hurt, offended or humiliated us. This is an exercise we can practise during this Lent, particularly for the Feast of the Annunciation on 25 March, which is Reconciliation Day in the Word of God groups.

Henri Bayemi